Pinnacle Uprising - Episode II - Finding the Seed

It took me almost a year to come back to this story. With the desire to further my career prospects and the zeal to move to Canada taking up most of my time, the truth about the events of 2006 / 2007 lay rumbling, ready to explode like an ancient volcano. Now, once again the Truth shall set me free, I Hope!!

Merlin was an interesting character. He was both, an insider as well as an outsider. He had once been an integral part of the Western Frontier but had left the kingdom to seek greener pastures. But once the fall of the empire was inevitable, Lord Chandelier foresaw the future and knew that Merlin was the one who could hold it all together and once again put the kingdom on the path to success and help his subjects achieve the pinnacle.

Lured with money, booze but most importantly the respect that he commanded, Merlin reluctantly agreed to take on the task of building the core group he could rely upon. He spent six arduous months, waiting and watching. He knew he would find him one day for it had been prophesized eons ago, and find him he did, in the dark bowels of earth.

When Merlin first heard of the Creator, he – The Creator, was not called the creator at all. He was a simple boy who could create magic with his thoughts. He was not aware of his potential, just that he was meant to work for the Eastern colony of the Empire. Merlin ordered the Out-Lord of the Colony to let The Creator work for him. The Out-Lord, humbled by Merlin’s request, complied and the little unknown boy set to work, creating magical wands for Merlin. Soon the little boy was teaching others the intricacies of creating these wands and gained quite a fan following.

Impressed by the quality of wands, and realizing that the boy could lead his fellow wand makers, Merlin knew he had found his One. He christened the unknown boy ‘The Creator’ and once again ordered the Out-Lord – “The empire needs The Creator. Send him to us immediately.” The Out-Lord could only comply.

And thus began the journey we all know as the “Pinnacle Uprising”.

Pinnacle Uprising – Episode I – Planting the Seed

For the past 3 years, this story has been struggling to take shape. Though the seeds were sown way back in 2006 / 2007, I have finally found the courage to write again and with the guidance of my Mentor, Merlin – The Magician / The Court Jester, I believe the truth shall see the light of dawn.

It all began when The Creator was tricked into leading his team, along with several others, under the watchful eye of Merlin to the very summit of success. He had no Idea about the hurdles he would face and the knowledge he would gain on this journey to the peak. That he would rise and fall, that he would be remembered forever and forgotten as well, that he would change forever as a person for this was no ordinary journey.

After a long and arduous ordeal of flying on a low cost Broom Stick, The creator landed at the village of the Western Frontier. He was greeted by the Unicorn and shown his way around the village where he met Blazer – The Entertainer, Palin – The Damsel in Distress and Yoda – Who was “Like No Other”.

Having seen the usual, The Creator settled down for a glass of free, cheap wine. One followed the other and he started to wander around the wilderness with a feather in his cap, a bowl of wine in one hand and the bottle in the other. It was not long before he bumped into the Village Elder – Lord Hilton. Lord Hilton was pretty amused meeting the Creator. He looked nothing like what Merlin had told he was capable of achieving, but none the less, Lord Hilton did not care much for he knew that as long as his commands were followed, the Uprising would be achieved.

Content, the Lord Moved on while The Creator, humbled by the Lords’ presence, continued to seek out the others he had so often heard of and never met. He Met Vidhata – The Creator of everything, The Siren – who could lure anyone with his fatal song and not the Least, Sunshine – The Queen of Dark Arts without whose permission no creation could take life and whole brilliant smile could dazzle you and render you blind.

This was the Situation which The Creator found himself in when he moved to the Western Frontier to carry out the task that was bestowed upon him as his destiny. Unaware of the brewing political storm he had landed himself into, The Creator was determined to make it thru.

NOTE: Please do provide your feedback and suggestions for the development of this story.

An Unchargable BlackBerry?

A Broken BlackBerry:-

What could be worse? Now I have seldom if ever posted such entries but then again, this DOES warrant a mention here. I have had this BlackBerry Curve for over 6 months but I have still stuck around with my Sony Ericsson W810i for the better part of these 6 months. A couple of days ago, I decided that I ought to start using the BB for it was meant to be, especially with all the people around the office showing off Pearls :D. So I take out my BB from the back of the drawer which has been it's heavenly abode for the last 4 months since I came to Uruguay and try to charge it, but guess what? The BB will not charge.

Now I have had this problem earlier as well where in the BB would not charge from the wall charger but would do if connected to the USB in my LapTop. After some research I found that the pins used to charge using the Wall Charger as compared to those used by the USB Charger are different, thus when the battery is fully drained, you first need to recharge for a minute or so using the USB and then you can go ahead and use the Wall Charger.

But to charge using the USB, you need to have the BB Desktop Software installed. So I spent a couple of hours downloading 300 MB of BB Desktop Software version 4.6 and this one was a pain in the arse considering the Net speeds over here. When I was done with it, I went ahead and installed and the moment of truth was there. I plug in my USB and I plug in the BB and Voila, The BB Does not charge at all. Darn IT. What to do next?

Dejected but Determined, I went ahead and searched hundreds of BB Forums looking for any description related to the problem I was having but there was every other solution from "Make Sure The Switch is Turned On" to the "Have you paid your Electricity Bill?" Some even suggested to have BB Replaced. Stupid People. My quest to finding the reason to this problem led me to a post by Peter.

Further reading surprised me as I found that the reason for all my woes is that the battery has been discharged to more than what it should have been. Now this was a revelation. A Batter would not charge because it has been discharged. Is that not what a battery is for? To be able to recharge it after it has been used up. Apparently it is a design flaw in BB which does not monitor the battery level well.

But Anyways, I followed the instructions there, which included removing the battery, and using cables connected to the USB Port to Manually give a small charge to the battery by connecting naked wires to the battery terminals and quickly placing it back in the phone. And I was really happy this time. The trick worked. And Now I ave this pretty BB of Mine sitting on that Desk and recharging itself.

Thanks a Lot Peter. and well any of you guys who needs to know more about how to troubleshoot a $700 BB, Look me Up.

-Cruel

The 13th Room...

The 13th Room…

13 is an UnLucky Number – For most of you – But for Jack and Daniel, here is when they got lucky.

Jack and Daniel were supposed to leave the country for furthering their prospects in life, so their friends decided to give them a big send off! And thus arrived Johnny and Walker. Johnny was Daniel’s Brother and Walker his cousin. Walker walked in with his girl Absinthe.

They decided to meet at The 13th Room one late evening. Though the room was as big as the floor, it was jam packed with almost no available space. But everyone knew that Jack and Daniel could not be denied, so off they went and were welcomed like princes, escorted to their favorite place right next to the drunk Germans. Stars illuminated the room and sky was the roof! J & D decided to get drunk as this would be their last night out in a long long time to come. Johnny joined them while Walker politely declined the offer under the glaring eyes of Absinthe.

They had just started when Walker got a call from a friend of his who wanted to be a part of the company and 5 minutes later in walked Bloody Mary with her intoxicating companion Sherry. Jack, with his long hair, short height, cute face and mysterious eyes, gave a casual glance at Mary and their eyes met. The world seemed to stop for the two, the glass of alcohol glued to Jacks lips as his hot breath formed vapors on the surface, rings of smoke rose from the smoldering cigarette in Mary’s hand as it burnt it’s way towards not just the end but also her heart.

While Jack and Mary had their moment and Walker and Absinthe had theirs, Johnny got drunk. Daniel was mesmerized by the beauty that sat across the table. The perfect lips and that look in the eye, the shadow of the falling hair and that smile that meant more than what met the eye. Our Jack, torn between the decision of leaving the country and following his heart, got drunk and left with a promise to meet again. Daniel, already in love, went home with the rest.

While Walker and Absinthe cuddled up in a corner, Johnny and Mary passed out in the other room. Daniel, as always, could not sleep after one too many a shots and sat thinking about Sherry. And though she slept as soundly as the others, he knew that she knew that he was watching her. He sat there the whole night thinking about her. Morning came, they all left, she gave him a hug promising she would meet him again that evening. But he knew and so did she ... The Evening Never Came

He Left the country after a few days and now Jack is leaving as well. Wonder if they would get together again, at The 13th Room, and get Lucky?

P.S. This one is after a high demand from a couple of close friends. Please beer with me if none of this makes any sense at all.

SEASONAL FEVER

With Introductions Over... Here is something from the Arsenal of Mr. Wordster. nJoi!

"A hostel in any engineering college. Sometime between late summer and early monsoon. The tension in the atmosphere is almost palpable. The air is saturated with humidity and anxiety. Every gust of wind is charged with rumours. It is the placement season.

The lanky boy next door with greasy hair and wearing spectacles of the size of portable television sets suddenly becomes a formidable competitor. Any lungi-clad guy with a book and a pen in his hand is no less intimidating than a gladiator carrying a shield and a sword. Preparations are done on war footing.

Interdepartmental rivalry corrupts simple minds. Everybody is intent on guarding the secret which everybody else already knows. Question papers are not allowed to leak, secret mock interviews are held and special groups of students (those who ‘know’) take up the responsibility of helping out those who ‘don’t know’.

Any person from any other department who smiles and tries to stimulate a friendly conversation is to be treated as a potential threat. He is ‘the spy’.

Conversations in vernaculars are peppered with phrases like quantitative aptitude (‘quants’), vocabulary ( ‘vocab’) and communication skills (no short form for this one). Bare bodied people waiting in a queue to take bath (which by the way is a biweekly ritual) try to converse in inglis. Snippets of this conversation filtering through to the person actually taking bath can lead to his cranial fracture caused by a fall which in turn is caused by uncontrollable laughter. It can be fatal. People occupying adjacent cubicles can be heard quizzing each other on freshly acquired vocabulary from the G.R.E. high frequency list.

The dining hall transforms into a conference hall for technical discussions. The clatter of utensils is punctuated by words such as diodes, gears, firewalls and other ingredients of intellectual chutney which kills the appetite. One has to contend with food for thought.

People who have been friends for almost three years can be seen introducing themselves to each other and discussing their hobbies (most of them very recently acquired) when they go out for a stroll or while sharing a fag.

This is a season when diseases like temporary insomnia and somnambulism become widespread. People can be seen walking in the corridors at unearthly hours practicing their ‘intro’ or mumbling answers to other expected HR questions which have been asked since Lord Ram recruited monkeys in his army.

On a cool morning, when groggy eyed people are zombie-marching to the tap with tooth brushes sticking out of their mouths like thermometers, the news arrives. After months of speculation (which began at the end of the previous year’s placement) the suspense is broken. The COMPANY is to arrive in five days time. The news spreads like a seismic wave jolting the students out of their beds and senses. People are caught in a turbulence of activities ranging from manipulating scores on their resumes to the procurement of ties to go with their formals. (However the ties go missing on the day and leads to the age old game of beg, borrow and steal.)

The preliminary tests are crucial. They aim at estimating the general awareness of the future employees of the COMPANY. To clear this all important test the candidates are required to go through every question that has been repeated with unflinching diligence for the past decade. People who have successfully feigned meticulousness and have been prudent enough not to get ‘over qualified’ are short listed for the interview.

The interview panel usually consists of two employees from the COMPANY. One of them grins incessantly. He is not retarded. It is only his way of making the candidate feel comfortable. The other member has his facial muscles contorted in a manner which beggars description. He is neither aggrieved by the loss of his cattle in the tsunami nor is he chronically constipated. He is only trying to stress the candidate out. Both put together provide a neutral environment for the interview.

Candidates wait for hours for their turn. By the time they are called in the starched shirts turn limp and damp. Faces which had been washed with soap for at least five times and plastered with Fair-n-Lovely for good measure now reflect the sorry state of a famished stomach. The candidate forces a painful smile. The interviewers are delighted.

The first question: Tell us something about yourself. This is easily answered. One and a half minutes flat. The interviewers are elated to find that the candidate is not dumb. They fire a volley of technical questions. The candidate does not know the answers to some. Some answers are on the tip of his tongue. But the tip has caged itself behind the incisors and refuses to budge. The throat turns dry. Palms perspire. A drop of sweat traces the length of his spine but he sits stiff. The first interviewer’s amiable grin now looks diabolic. Mount Rushmore fidgets with his pen. All is lost. No. Wait. Not yet.

The candidate is offered some water and a few words of encouragement. Realization dawns on his countenance. The interviewers again ask him questions to which he does not know the answers but answers confidently anyway. That is what matters. They encourage him to dole out theories which would make Sir Newton squirm in his grave. After making sure the candidate can ‘communicate what he is thinking’ he is allowed to go with the parting words,’ It was nice talking to you.’, or something on similar lines.

Then begins the agonizing wait for the results. A period where most people run the risk of chewing their nails to the very end and anxiety is not the only reason here. After what seems like forever the results are announced. Those who are placed grow an extra appendage called the cell phone for a few hours.

For those left behind swimming in uncertainty there are other leaky boats ready to take them on board."

---Wordster

The House Hunt... (Part II)

The House Hunt ... (Part II)

Sorry people for not posting for this long (Not that many of you would have been eagerly waiting, but what the hell !.!) So not wasting any more time I shall continue with the Narration of the ordeal of the House Hunt which I had undergone.

The Saga Continues ...

I had been looking around various online forums to find a place ASAP, and after exhausting all the online channels, I went back to the traditional methods ... Bought the paper "AdMag" for 10 bucks and sat down at the dining table, leafing through the pink and white pages of the Classified. Man! this was going to be tough job. After shorlisting about 15 different Ads (Mind you, I was biased towards the happeneing areas of BLR and also gave preferance to Ads posted by the opposite sEx), my (traitor) friend and I started off the phase II of My House Hunt.

House 1. NandiDurga Road:- The house looked Ok from outside. The owner who I had spoken to earler, was a lady of around 27 but din stay in the same house. This three storyed building housed only Bachelors, one at each floor, but was currently Locked. Would come back to this one later.

House 2. JayaMahal:- The house we visited belonged to very old woman who lived with her even older Mother. I was being offered only a single room and the entrance was through a narrow passage which ran all around the house till it reached the courtyard at the Back. The rent was supposed to be around Rs. 3000/- (For a single Room MAN!). The old and the older lady seated My friend and me in the small room and thus began the interview.

She : Do you Drink?
My Friend : NO!
Me : yes.
She : Do you come home late at night? Say after 9 P.M. ?
My Friend : Sometimes.
Me : always!
She : Do you bring girls home?
My Friend : NO WAY!!!
Me : not often, I usually go to their places...
She : Actually I have no problems with all these but you see mom doesn't like all this...

Dude! this one was pathetic. I practically took off after her last statement. Next stop, Ulsoor.

House 3. Ulsoor:- This one was very promising as it had been chosen by roomate. Mr. Ashwin (The House Owner) from Ulsoor came to meet us. He sounded like a pure professional. 10 Minutes past the time we had agreed upon, he appeared, and how he appeared. It was like an elephant riding a tricycle. Motorists gave way as we followed him through a maze of in-roads and no-roads and came to stop in front of magnificient 7 story house. I was impressed but the impression did not last long as we climbed the stairs all the way to the terrace. There were 2 rooms 1 kitchen and 1 loo, each one in one corner of the terrace and could have easily been rented out as a separate room. We left, promising to return in an hour with the Advance!

House 4. Somewhere in Cox town:- The guy turned out to be a Broker, he came on a lumberetta (For thouse of you who don't know what it is, it as an antique scooter from the pre-Independence days) in a one way, and took us back the same way. Against the onslaught of the oncoming traffic, we came to an Array of houses. A room and a toilet each, they looked more like the pegion houses that you see in the old hindi movies. I was feeling hungry, we left.

House 5....
.
.
.
.
.
House 14....

Just din feel like looking anymore and to top it all, it started raining. While we chilled out at 11th Cross in Frazer Town the phone rang, owner of the First house was now available. So it was decided, the first house it was gonna be, looking around was just a formality, guess I was destined to stay there, alone. Wonder what else is in store for me?

It's been a month now... And I work more and stay at home less.
And you know why!

The House Hunt... (Part I)

The House Hunt... (Part I)

I had been sharing a house with this friend of mine for the past 1 Year and 3 Months when last Saturday he woke me up at 10 in the morning:- "Get up you lazy bum" he shouted. I baulked at his intrusion, Gosh! it was a Saturday, a day to relax; He poured water over my head, water chilled to the core. I got up, frustrated and started looking for something I could hit him with.

I : "What da Fuck man? WHY?"
He : "eH! We have to look for a new house."
I : "The owner got to know about his daughter??? Shit! Man."
He : "No, he has not... Yet!"
I : "eH, The Credit Card people came calling?"
He : "No.. They do not have this Address."
I : "Your Second girl friend got to know about your first and fifth?"
He : "No, But yourz did.."
I : "Shit! No issues. But what is the problem man? No, don't tell me. You are not moving out, are you?"
He : "No. But you are."
I : "I! But Why?"

Seems like his folks were moving in and I was being thrown out. So that left me with less than a week to look for a house, A house in Bangalore for a Bachelor who wanted to stay alone and not share a room/house with anyone (ok, maybe a sweet damsel who might read this can inquire). And thus began the journey of my ordeal. The first thing I did was to go online, and check out the forum of mah company... Just incase there was some Ad out there... Here is what I came across (Un-Edited)

"This is a moderately furnished one independent room, part of a big house. Readily available. Very good accessibility and very nice location with all the amenities in the vicinity. Welcome for a calm and quite person who would not cause headache for an old couple. Ideal for a lonely bachelor. Rent can be arbitrated and settled after seeing the location. Thank you. Contact : Veerabhadrappa (you can refer my name : gireesh)"

Man, this guy knew what he was looking for. "A Lonely Bachelor" eh? And the only restriction was that he should not cause a headache... all other kinds of aches permissible, or maybe even invited... he he. And the icing on the cake... The name of the advertiser. Man it was hilarious then but maybe I should have given this one a try. But then again, I did not fit the bill. So I checked out the next one...

"It is a 1 BHK House big enough to accomodate 3 person. I am lookin for 2 people to share the flat with me. It has a large bedrrom (big enough for 5 ppl), a large hall, 1 kitchen, 1 toilet and a terrace. I am paying Rs. 6600. The advance is yet to b paid since I shifted here only for a week. This place is for immediate acomodation. It is just 5 minutes from the Indiranagar CMH road Company bus stop. Its in a very centralized location."

Now the irony here was that the House was big enough for 3 people but the Bed Room was big enough for 5. I know, I know what you must be thinking. Yes I was thinking the same. How many people was the toilet big enough for? And what about the guy, could he be trusted? Man he moved in only for a week and he was already contemplating about overstaying. The location was centralized as well. I know about central locations but centralized? Maybe he was referring to the Air Conditioning.

Anyways, guess this was not going to be of much use. So I started looking for other Avenues...

To Be continued...

The Polythene Bag Theory

The Polythene Bag Theory:

Now Now! Here is a question I would have loved someone else to answer, But no! It had to be me who had to answer it right? So here it goes…..

What does a normal person do when he/she sees a polythene bag (Read: non-recyclable waste) lying on the road?

(Now while you wrack your brains trying to answer that, here is my take on it:)

1.) 80% of the people (normal) would just ignore it, maybe look the other way and just walk away…. Isn’t it just normal for polythene to be lying around on the road? (This is what happens in the Indian scenario - International Audience: eH don't be surprised.)

2.) 12% of the people (still normal) would stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Country and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the first garbage can that they can find.

3.) 7% of the people (ok little abnormal) would stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Country, think about the Green House Effect, and the technical and non-technical aspects of global warming and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can marked “Non – Recyclable”.

4.) 1% of the people (Fine, agreed, ABNORMAL) would look around to see if someone is watching, pick it up and dust away the dirt, smile to themselves and blow air into the bag, blow it till the seams burst and then – BANG – They burst up the Bag, with a lot of noise, and then they laugh. Amazing! Isn’t it?

The Software Industry Theory:

Now let us compare the Software Industry to the World or Maybe the Universe. The Polythene Bag to the life in Software Industry.

If we analyze, almost everyone needs and uses software these days, just like the need and use the polythene bag. But what happens when someone is given a chance to live a life in the software industry? (Read as: What does a normal person do when he/she sees a polythene bag lying on the road?)

1.) 80% of the people (normal) just ignore and walk on. It is good enough for them to use the software and then throw it away when they don’t need it anymore, just like the polythene bag.

2.) 12% of the people (still normal) stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Software Industry, and take efforts to put the polythene bag where it belongs, in the garbage can. Thus they try and avoid using a computer too often and hence try the natural stuff, the paper bags or say taking a walk in the night.

3.) 7% of the people (ok little abnormal) stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Software Industry, think about the Early Aging Effect on the software professionals (Green House Effect), and the technical and non-technical aspects of going crazy (Global Warming) and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can marked “Non – Recyclable”, i.e. nothing to do with software, live on the Himalayas, eat water and drink air. Be a pure vegetarian and Blah Blah!!

4.) 1% of the people (Read as: Software Engineers, and Fine, agreed, ABNORMAL) would look around to see if someone is watching, ignore all the late night meetings and strange working hours that come with such a life, smile to themselves and blow air into the bag (i.e. try to put life into their lives), blow it till the seams burst and then – BANG – They try to burst up the Bag, to hear a lot of noise, but alas, it can just be compared with a polythene bag but it is not a polythene bag. They fail to notice THE small hole (now you don want me to describe what all the small holes would be, do you?), and there is no BANG just a FIZZ as all their efforts in blowing it up just fizz away to nothing and then they can’t even laugh. Amazing! Isn’t it?

P.S: The author of this one is not demented and nor is he frustrated with his life. Just some experience he has gained while working in the Industry for past 2 years. He he, hope you liked this one. eN-Joi.

The Citi Never WAKES

I know, it's been long but then again, was very busy.... So lemme start off on a Humorous note : Similar to the one about HUTCH, here is a dig on Citibank .... eN - Joi ==>

"A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:"

Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.
Family Member: Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.
Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?
Citibank: Excuse me?
Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?
Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor. (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply. (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Family Member: Sure. (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.
Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.
Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.
Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?
Citibank: That might help.
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.
Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Family Member: What do you do with dead people on your planet?
(Priceless!! )

Wherever You Go, The Headache Follows

CC => A Hutch Customer Care Representative
Me => I

CC : Welcome to Hutch. Can I Have your phone number please?
Me : 9986187899
CC : Can I Have Your Name Please?
Me : $#@#$
CC : Thank you Mr. $#@#$ for calling, how may I help You?
ME : You people have billed my account for Rs. 1628 and have
Deducted the amount twice from my Credit Card.
CC : Before I go on, Can I Have your DOB, Billing Address, Mothers’
Maiden Name, your Phone Number and the color of the
Underwear You are wearing?
Me : Why Da F$$K do you wanna know da color of mah underwear??
CC : Security check Sir.
Me : But What If I am not wearing the same underwear today?
CC : Sir, Please be advised that You have to wear the same before
You call us.
Me : What Da F$$K.. Ok [Repeat Information]…
CC : And The Color Sir…
Me : Yellow with Red Stripes. ;-)
CC : How May I Help You?
ME : You people have billed my account for Rs. 1628 and have
Deducted the amount twice from my Credit Card.
CC : Sir, Have you faced this problem before?
Me : Excuse Me? Are you supposed to face all the problems before
You call in the first time?
CC : Sir My systems show that the same problem has not occurred
Before.
Me : I know, this is the First Time. That Is Why I am Complaining
For The First Time.
CC : Sir Please visit the Nearest Hutch Shop.
Me : I Did, they wanted to see the bill from Nokia to confirm if the
Phone was mine.
CC : Oh, Sir I suggest you get the Bill and visit the Nearest Hutch
Shop.
Me : Are you even 12th Pass? Get me your Floor Manager.
CC : Sorry Sir, She is busy.
Me : Get me any floor Manager Who is Free.
CC : Sir all of them are busy.
Me : Now will I get my money Back or do I need to file a case with
The consumer courts?
CC : Sir, Your amount would be adjusted in the Next Bill. Please
Wait for a month.
Me : But I Have a Post Paid Connection Not a Pre Paid, and
Rs. 1628 as prepaid charge is Atrocious.
CC : What is Atrocious Sir?
Me : Eh, look it up in a dictionary.
CC : A Dictionary….?
Me : Ehhh… I am going to a consumer court.
CC : Consumer???

The Standing Airlines...

The Standing Airlines…

The Name Sounds Interesting & So Would Be The Concept…

Yesterday, while Crawling to the office, one of my friends enlightened me about the new concept that might just catch the fancy of millions around the world. It captivated me so much that I have been thinking about it all this while…

The Year 2011… Lo, Behold… The Standing Airlines…

The concept of people traveling in Airplanes just like they travel in Buses or Trains can usher a revolution in the way people think in terms of distances. And just how would they achieve this??? STANDING… Yes people standing in planes and traveling just like they do in the public transport. It Might Be a Serious Concept but All I can do is Laugh… Imagining The Kind Of Life We Might Lead If This Comes True.

Initially, the fare might be high but would come down eventually, as more and more companies launch their standing aircrafts. People would prefer traveling via this medium as the fare would be cheap and they would be able to visit home more often, Delhi to Bangalore in one hour (Currently from mah place in Bangalore to Office – 1hr 30 mins). We would be having Double Decker Aircraft to accommodate more people.

Later on, with many people opting for this kind of service, some like me would prefer a monthly “PLANE PASS”. The roads would be deserted as many would choose to travel by “The Standing Airlines”, After all, would you not prefer to travel standing in a plane than standing in a bus. Then there would be “Plane Jams” in “The SKY” and we might have to wait for a minute or so for the bigger and better “Boeing” To Pass By. The more jam packed plane might just be seen tilting to one side.

Sometimes the cause of all the congestion in the sky might be convoy of VIP Planes. With red-lights on top, 2 police planes in front and two following the VIP, Sirens Blaring and driver, eh ok ok Pilot, Shouting “Side Kodi Pa”, they would Zip pass most of us. I hope traffic lights would be immaterial but then again what about the traffic police? Using Hover-Crafts and Illegally printed Challan Slips They Might Just stop one of the overloaded planes and ask the pilot to show his flying license. A broken headlight, improper indicators and busted tail light would also attract fines. “The Flying Cops” would even ask some of the passengers to get off …

The airports then would look something like the current bus stands. Instead of the conductor, it would be a Co-Pilot, wearing a tie, chewing "Paan" and with a “Bidi” between his thumb and forefinger shouting out the available seats, (on second thoughts, available places to stand), and the fare. “Coimbatore .. Coimbatore .. Coimbatore” Irrund Seat Irruku, Noor Ruba, Noor Ruba, Nooooor Rubaaaa”.

What pains me the most is the thought as to what would happen to the Kingfisher Air-Hostesses? They would either be replaced by the cheap ones from AI and Air-India or would be used only for the international flights. One of the jokes between us friends while traveling via Deccan would come true… During the flight from Delhi to Bangalore, We encountered quite a lot of turbulence… So used to being jolted on the Indian roads that when I told mah friend “Yaar Road Badi He Kharaab Hai (Dude, The Road Is Pretty Bad)”, He agreed with me whole-heartedly before a second thought brought a faint smile to his lips and the words “Oye – Guddu”

Will update with more thoughts…

I Am NOT Infected

I AM NOT INFECTED
Please Buy Me

Imagine this…

You are cruising along the Bombay – Pune Highway, and you see this placard around the neck of a cock, ok ok, around the neck of a chicken. Infact not just one, but hundreds of em, loaded in cages and supporting such placards.

In this crazed world of Media hypes, rumor has it that this bird flew was actually a dirty trick of George Bush to make India sign the N-Pact. The RAW has concrete evidence that the so called migratory birds are infact ISI Agents and were intensively trained in China. They were given the exact locations where to drop the infected bombs (Droppings) and some of them were also trained in the elements of charming the females (Of the bird species of course) so as to pass on this deadly virus. The Mumbai police even claims to have caught 3 CIA Agents and 1 ISI agent with 400 kgs of droppings having high concentrations of the virus.

The virus is rumored to have been perfected in Texas, and the DNA testing is underway to see if Mr. Clinton was involved in some way. Some intelligence agencies attribute the spreading of the bird flu to Al Qaida. They believe that Osama is trying to boost the Consumption of beef by spreading the flu. Sucide Bombers would now look something like the one shown ABOVE. BJP Spokesmen were bold enough to go to the extent of saying that, "As the fodder is not available in abundance, Thanks to Mr. Lalu, The Congress is now eyeing the Bird Feed but needs to decrease the number of birds so it has enough 'LEFT' for itself."

Durex has come up with a new technology that allows the birds to make out without the fear of passing on the virus thru body fluids. Insiders in SEBI on condition on anonymity have confirmed the fact that the culling of birds is infact related to some individuals manipulating the Commodities Market and the Sensex. RBI has ordered a probe into the same. A Lobby of nuclear scientists is mum on the question whether the extracts from the bird would be used in biological warfare.

Meanwhile the SPCA led by Maneka Gandhi is protesting against the brutal manner in which the birds are being killed. They are now asking for the last rites to be performed according to the religion of the owner. The only ones having a field day, or we can say a field month are the stray dogs. Oblivious to the hue and cry created by the virus they are enjoying 5 meals a day and some are even storing for the winter. The only hurdle which remains for the storage is that it takes a long time for the tenders to be approved.