Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Meaning Of Life

Deep in our soul a quiet amber,
Knows its you against you,
It’s the paradox that drives us on.........


As I read these lines off the screen, I could hear them being shouted out aloud at me by my own self. The message was clear and yet blurred. I wanted to deny the very truth that deep down inside me, my soul knew. I looked around me and numerous thoughts besieged me. The people working around me were some of the very best in their fields, paid enormous amounts to make the life of millions easy. . . and I was, I am, one of them. But I know, it is not against them that I compete, it’s my own self that I need to out perform.

Long back I had come to realize that in this world, everyone is for him/her self, and people would do anything to get the better of you, to take the opportunities which should have been rightfully yours, to reap the benefits of the work you had put in, and at that point I chose to become the same. But there comes a time when there is no one left to compete with, to take advantage of, just for the simple reason that maybe you are not good enough to compete with anyone or for the fact that you have gone way too far and are standing at the summit of the highest peak in the world. Now what?

So now you search within your own self and find something that you know you can better and that is, I believe, the way to move on and succeed in life.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Hellz Angels

It's been 22 long years and a little more than, that I have had the oportunity to see this beautiful world.
I am told that there are good humans and there are bad humans.
There is God with his angels and stuff and last but not the least, there is Lucifer (I hope I am right in referring to him as "The Devil").
But the Atrocity of life is that angels are considered to be from heaven (that is if such a thing exists), but what about us poor beings from the other world? Surely we too have some place and the right to call our selves angels. Well let it not be the heavens', but we can be HELLZ ANGELS.
I often wonder why people post there feelings on a blog, and bare themselves for the whole world to read. And with these thoughts I too started to write em. Didn't Kick of as I had planned way back in April 2004 but then here I am , at it again. To once again begin the quest for understanding the world and making a name for myself, a name which might not mean much to others but which does satisfy an ego.
More on this one later on.
See Ya

My Love or My LIFE ? ? ?

Well,

I am back again, to fill up more space, or so might some of you believe.
Let me take you back in time some months ago when I was at home and looking for some fun.
I am a very head strong and stable person, steady as a mountain, or so I believed. But this one day, I just fell, fell for this lovely female. I wonder how it could be, for I have never been interested in something like a relationship bofore. 22 years and it is now that I falter. Still cannot believe if this is a dream or a reality. But it happened and I have only the following few words to describe what happened.

She came into my life,
Like a forceful wind.
She touched my heart,
From deep within.
She cleansed my mind,
And purified my soul.
She helped me find,
What was wrong in my life.
She became my Angel,
The love of my life.


Wish she would understand the real me some day, not that she does not but then again there are loads of things that very few do comprehend.

Anyways, gotta head back to .Net 2005 and attend a few calls, only 2 more months to go and the project deadline approaching.

Adios Amigo

Friday, November 25, 2005

The Power Of Silence

Hey people,

It's been a long time since I added anything substantial to this blog, but better late than never. It's been 5 lonely months that I have been working for this company. Been transferred all over India, from Delhi to Chennai, Coimbatore to Trivandrum and now finally, in Bangalore. Life has been good, but the nostalgia of being away from home once again, and this time for an indefinite period of time, is once again setting in; I would try to go think back in time and relate my experiences to you all (means who so ever finds it worthy enough to read this one) but first I would like to put down a few moments that have left me spechless, at loss of words and they fit so perfectly into my life that I am surprised, and though some of you might have read them before, just go thru them and try to relate .....

... The moment when I left home for the first time,
And I look back at my parents; worried that their son is leaving them,
Yet happy that their child took his first step towards independence.
But this time, they were scared, for they knew that I have become too
Independent, and that I just might not come back again ......

... The moment when the girl I Love ...
Hugged me as if she was clinging on to her life! I didn't say a thing..
I just held her close to me .. and time seemed to stop ...
And I was ...... Speechless ...

... The moment when I parted with my old friends ... Once again ...
And the train had just started ... and I was standing on the door of the wagon ...
Thinking ... with my heart beating fast ... Would I ever see them again ...
And how long it would be if I do ...
For it had happened before, and it was happening again ...
The world as I knew it was changing and I could only change with it ... In Silence ...

... The moment when I lie down on my bed; Alone, Angry, Helpless, Sad ...
Yet Happy at the fact that I have this moment to myself;
And think about the past, Think about the time that was ...
What could have been and what is, Think about my parents ...
And think about the very few but fast friends I have,
Think about the girl who loves me more than I ever can,
And Think about the life that I am now living
And then Think about the life I want to live ...
I feel bloated out, I feel as I am so insignificant as compared to the bigger and
Better things in life .... And I don't want it to be like this .....
And the only friend I have in this moment is,
SILENCE ....
A SILENCE that shouts out aloud at me,
Just like these bold letters shout out from the page,
And I am left once again ...
SPEECHLESS .......