Why Am I Still Alive

I knew I had died, I Wish I Had. Cannot live like this, it hurts too much. But hey, death is too choosey, just like Life. So I woke up after 3 days of being in and out of an haze and realized I still breathe, still breathe for her. I have no one to turn to ... All I am left with is my words which I do not use judiciously anymore. And the Music -- I am gonna get my music back. I wonder how many of you really love music, and I mean love like crazy, who love to sing, to compose, to play. I do. And when she said Good Bye - It felt like my music of all these years turned her back to me sayin "You do not belong to me". But I decided, to get my music back, and I found Fabienne. When I touch her, I feel love. My fingers seem to move on her in a trance as they find the right chord everytime. Fabienne promised she would help me find my love again and that she would play while I sing. Here is the first song we both learnt to play together.

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I aint gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall
Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I cant fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause Im crazy bout you baby, time after time

Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Cant stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

I dont wanna fight no more, I dont know what were fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes
Theres a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause Im crazy bout you baby...crazy...crazy
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Cant stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide

Love You!

The End

I have always wondered how the end would be. How it would feel when you die. And now I know it. I know how it feels when you die, every second that you live - You Die. It feels like you are suffocating, the air does not wish to come to your lungs as every ounce of life is squeezed out of you. Like every part of you dies it's own death. It seems so absurd how I am ranting away over here but I had to Document my own death somewhere, hadn't I? So here I am with a final goodbye to the world as I have known till the last breath with the beautiful taste of the poisoned wine still on my lips. I wonder if I would be buried or would I be burnt to ashes, or even If would see the motherland once again! but I know that the poison of the love would still be running thru my veins when I take my last breath which approaches near. My Farewell with the last words on my lips - Love You!

This romeo is bleeding, but you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well,I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

Yeah I, will love you, baby
Always and i'll be there
Forever and a day, always

I'll be there, till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
I know when i die you'll be on my mind
and I'll love you, always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh
Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye

What I'd give to run my fingers thru your hair
Touch your lips, to hold you near,
When you say your prayers, try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words
You've been needing to hear, I'll wish I was him
'Cause these words are mine, to say to you
'Til the end of time

If you told me to cry for you, I could
If you told me to die for you, I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck in these loaded dice
But baby, if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams, and our old lives,
We'll find a place, where the sun still shines

Before Sunset

It has been almost a month that I Wrote. A Lot has happened since then, A Life has been lived, A Life has been Lost, A Life has passed before my eyes, A feeling of dying has been learnt, A Love has been lost and A Love Found. All this Before Sunset.

I Wish I could write more, I wish I had the choice of opening up my Laptop and just sitting down with a Word Document and write my heart out, but I have learnt that I do not write, It happens, I am just a medium of expression and a trigger is needed every time something comes out and makes me feel Liberated. This time it was a simple movie, a beautiful yet sad one, something so refreshing and something so innate that I felt it was me. The simple talks, the walk, the song, the life. Something worth dying for, something worth living for.

Suddenly everything is so clear, I feel so strange that such an effect can be had with something so simple in life, that you are standing at your balcony and looking at a tropical storm and a bolt of lightning flashes before you and in that millisecond as you see the sword of fire and light strike a helpless tree, the whole world becomes clear to you. You understand things like the crystal waters of a stream born high in the mountains long before it is polluted by the existence of cities.

As the wind ruffled thru my hair and the thunder deafened the ears, I sipped on the Whiskey and looked at the lighted up night sky with flashes of lightning and a small glow of the dawn in the distance. Words of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran keep me Sad, Keep me Happy. A Tear runs down my cheek after having cleared my vision. All I got running in my head right now are the words which have brought me back to life.... Like a phoenix rising from the Ashes.

Came in from a rainy Thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly.
I turned on the lights, the tv and the radio
Still I cant escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, somed say,
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away...

But I wont cry for yesterday, theres an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
Pride will tear us both apart
Well now prides gone out the window cross the rooftops, run away,
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.
What is happening to me?
Crazy, somed say,
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away...