Friday, September 29, 2006

The Polythene Bag Theory

The Polythene Bag Theory:

Now Now! Here is a question I would have loved someone else to answer, But no! It had to be me who had to answer it right? So here it goes…..

What does a normal person do when he/she sees a polythene bag (Read: non-recyclable waste) lying on the road?

(Now while you wrack your brains trying to answer that, here is my take on it:)

1.) 80% of the people (normal) would just ignore it, maybe look the other way and just walk away…. Isn’t it just normal for polythene to be lying around on the road? (This is what happens in the Indian scenario - International Audience: eH don't be surprised.)

2.) 12% of the people (still normal) would stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Country and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the first garbage can that they can find.

3.) 7% of the people (ok little abnormal) would stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Country, think about the Green House Effect, and the technical and non-technical aspects of global warming and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can marked “Non – Recyclable”.

4.) 1% of the people (Fine, agreed, ABNORMAL) would look around to see if someone is watching, pick it up and dust away the dirt, smile to themselves and blow air into the bag, blow it till the seams burst and then – BANG – They burst up the Bag, with a lot of noise, and then they laugh. Amazing! Isn’t it?

The Software Industry Theory:

Now let us compare the Software Industry to the World or Maybe the Universe. The Polythene Bag to the life in Software Industry.

If we analyze, almost everyone needs and uses software these days, just like the need and use the polythene bag. But what happens when someone is given a chance to live a life in the software industry? (Read as: What does a normal person do when he/she sees a polythene bag lying on the road?)

1.) 80% of the people (normal) just ignore and walk on. It is good enough for them to use the software and then throw it away when they don’t need it anymore, just like the polythene bag.

2.) 12% of the people (still normal) stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Software Industry, and take efforts to put the polythene bag where it belongs, in the garbage can. Thus they try and avoid using a computer too often and hence try the natural stuff, the paper bags or say taking a walk in the night.

3.) 7% of the people (ok little abnormal) stop and take notice, shrug their shoulders, take pity on the deteriorating condition of the Software Industry, think about the Early Aging Effect on the software professionals (Green House Effect), and the technical and non-technical aspects of going crazy (Global Warming) and be considerate enough to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can marked “Non – Recyclable”, i.e. nothing to do with software, live on the Himalayas, eat water and drink air. Be a pure vegetarian and Blah Blah!!

4.) 1% of the people (Read as: Software Engineers, and Fine, agreed, ABNORMAL) would look around to see if someone is watching, ignore all the late night meetings and strange working hours that come with such a life, smile to themselves and blow air into the bag (i.e. try to put life into their lives), blow it till the seams burst and then – BANG – They try to burst up the Bag, to hear a lot of noise, but alas, it can just be compared with a polythene bag but it is not a polythene bag. They fail to notice THE small hole (now you don want me to describe what all the small holes would be, do you?), and there is no BANG just a FIZZ as all their efforts in blowing it up just fizz away to nothing and then they can’t even laugh. Amazing! Isn’t it?

P.S: The author of this one is not demented and nor is he frustrated with his life. Just some experience he has gained while working in the Industry for past 2 years. He he, hope you liked this one. eN-Joi.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Citi Never WAKES

I know, it's been long but then again, was very busy.... So lemme start off on a Humorous note : Similar to the one about HUTCH, here is a dig on Citibank .... eN - Joi ==>

"A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:"

Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.
Family Member: Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.
Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?
Citibank: Excuse me?
Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?
Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor. (Duh!)

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply. (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew. (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Family Member: Sure. (Fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.
Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care.
Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.
Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?
Citibank: That might help.
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.
Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Family Member: What do you do with dead people on your planet?
(Priceless!! )

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